Peer comment (s2)

Eden Kwan (truth essay ) – The Organization of your essay was done very well, transitions between paragraphs were smooth. Also, I liked how you chose a general theme (relationships) to focus on was a good choice, as it narrows the scope of such a broad topic, allowing you to be able to dig deeper in your essay. overall good stuff.

Jay han ( restaurant review) – The Layout of your restaurant review was simple and really easy to follow. I also liked how you walk your audience through each dish from the chronologically, so the audience can experience the restaurant the way you did. It would also be nice if you could enlarge the picture of the food, because thats the main thing you’re trying to advocate/promote. Good stuff.

Colin (restaurant review) – I like how you didn’t focus on the food of the restaurant, but also on the atmosphere of the restaurant, and activities you can do around there. You also took the time to describe the taste and texture of each dish and I have to say, there seems to be a lot of mixing in this restaurant. One thing you can work on is the presentation of the restaurant review, as the ocean of text clumped up on the top makes me go zzzzzz. It was a well done review overall, good stuff.

Henry (restaurant review) – I liked how you walked your audience through your personal experience there instead of just listing out positive and negative. Its like we were right next to you eating lunch, very cool. You were especially descriptive with the experience of the meal. One critique I could give you is to make the format less compact, which would’ve made the presentation look a bit better. Overall, good job.

Joshua Leung (restaurant review) – First off, I just want to say that what a great opening sentence, your were able to introduce your main dish with power and it gave me a great impression of the restaurant already. I liked how you were able to emphasize on what makes your restaurant so special, from the open kitchen to the wooden decorations. I thought the formatting looks a bit odd but overall, it was very well done.

Unit Reflection S2

Unit Reflection S2

  1. Include the link to your blog here:
    1. https://writing523.poetry.blog/
  2. Which of your pieces most helped you identify or explore and develop your God-given abilities? Discuss.

The piece that help me identify my god given ability was probably my credo. it really help me realize that I have great potential in many aspects of life, the only thing holding me back is myself, since I often give up halfway or when I find something too difficult. In my case it would be running and my art skills.

  • Which of your pieces best demonstrates your ability to communicate effectively? Give three reasons and explain.

The written piece that best demonstrates your ability to communicate effectively would be the research paper, after all the point of the research paper is to persuade the audience that your view is right and worth caring about. Not only did I have to choose the most impactful sources, but I have to be able to reinforce them with good word choice.

  • Which piece either demonstrates striving for excellence, or discuss striving for excellence and its importance in another area besides writing? Explain. 

  • Which of your pieces explores why it is important to act as a responsible member of the global community? Explain.

The piece that explores the importance of being a responsible member of the community is the kite runner Final Essay. In the essay, I talked about how Baba, through his selfish lie, brought more pain to both his sons than he can think of. We too, can easily destroy other peoples lie for the sake of your own wellbeing without us even knowing about it. Like it or not, our actions can have grave consequences, and I learned through this written piece

  • How did this course help you to know, understand, and apply biblical principles? Explain, giving specific examples. 

This course challenged me by confronting topics like truth, racism and morals. To get a better understanding of these concepts, I try to look at the bible for some clue to answer these questions.

  • How did this course help you to think independently, creatively, and analytically? Explain.

The course helped me to think independently, creatively and analytically by forcing me to consider and think about topics and ideas I usually wouldn’t think of. For instance, I never really dwelled on the concept of truth

Kite runner 23 to end

first draft

The book title “kite runner” perfectly captures most aspects of the story and more importantly, the main conflict and resolutions. The main conflict of the story starts when Hassan goes kite running for Amir, which ends up causing Amir to witness Hassan’s brutal torment. For the rest of the book, Amir goes on a journey through acceptance of his guilt and tries to redeem himself. In doing so, he saves hassan’s son, sohrab from a life of sexual abuse. His guilty conscience is no more, but he fails to maintain a relationshipIn with sohrab. It was only at the end of the book, when amir volunteered to be sohrab’s kite runner, did there show signs of Sohrab’s acceptance of amir.

Kite runner also represents selflessness in the book, a character we see Amir gain as the story progresses. A kite runner goes out of their way to chase down the fallen kite to bring it back the kite-fighter, so that the kite fighter can get the trophy and bring honor. The kite runner doesn’t get anything for himself and does his job purely for the sake of the kite fighter’s honor. Therefore, it is a perfect symbol for building up others with one hardwork. In their childhood, Hassan went to kite run for Amir after he won the competition, and even sacrificed his body so that Amir can get the honor that he doesn’t even deserve that much. In the end, we see Amir being the kite runner instead of Sohrab, and told him that he would kite run for him a thousand times over.

Casket Mini essay

Portia’s father wrote his will to portia and instructed portia on how her husband, who would also inherit all of the family’s money, should be chosen. He did so hoping that Portia would marry someone who loves her not only for her beauty and wealth but for her character.

His plan was to offer suitors a casket of lead, a casket of silver and a casket of gold to choose, each casket attracts different kinds of people. The suitor has to swear that they won’t tell other people which casket they chose in order to give everyone a fair chance. They must also swear to not marry anyone else if they choose the wrong casket, and that they must immediately leave if they choose the wrong casket.  The added consequence of participating in this ritual weeds to people aren’t willing to take a risk for portia. With this carefully devised plan, Portia would hopefully marry a man who truly loves her.

The first casket was the gold casket, the one the Prince of Morocco had chosen. Since gold represents money, the gold casket probably was meant to attract gold diggers. In this case, the prince of morocco ultimately chooses the gold casket, which says “ who chooseth me shall gain what many men desire”, since he himself wants to marry her for her wealth. The second suitor was the prince of arragon, who chose the silver casket. Arragon rejected the gold casket because it was too obvious but finally chose the silver casket which reads “ who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves” because he feels he deserves a woman like portia. What he found in the casket was a picture of a clown, because he thought he outsmarted the system but still failed.

At last, it was Bassanio’s turn to choose the right casket. Portia really wanted to give him some tips so that they can marry, but Bassanio rejected it because he wants to come to the right conclusion by himself. He examines the caskets and rejects the gold and silver caskets because he says the worst things are usually presented with a beautiful outer appearance to cover what’s inside, and chooses the lead, because he knows he shouldn’t judge things by what it looks like.

First draft

Portia’s father wrote his will to portia and instructed portia on how her husband, who would also inherit all of the money, should be chosen. He did so hoping that Portia would marry someone who loves her not only for her beauty and wealth but for her character. He does so by offering suitors 3 caskets of lead, silver and gold to choose, each casket attracts different kinds of people, the suitor has to swear that they won’t tell other people which casket they chose, that they can’t marry anyone else if they choose the wrong casket, and that they must immediately leave if they choose the wrong casket. 

The first casket was the gold casket, which is the one that the prince of morocco chose. Since gold represents money, the gold casket probably was meant to attract gold diggers. In this case, the prince of morocco ultimately chooses the gold casket, which says “ who chooseth me shall gain what many men desire”, since he himself wants to marry her for her wealth. The second casket was the silver casket, of which the prince of arragon chose. Arragon rejected the gold casket because it was too obvious but finally chose the silver casket which reads “ who chooseth me shall get as much as he deserves” because he feels he deserves a woman like portia. 

At last, it was Bassanio’s turn to choose the right casket. Portia really wanted to give him some tips so that they can marry, but Bassanio rejected it because he wants to come to the right conclusion by himself. He examines the caskets and rejects the gold and silver caskets because he says the worst things are usually presented with a beautiful outer appearance to cover what’s inside, and chooses the lead, because he knows he shouldn’t judge things by what it looks like.

Research paper – Tony

 Zoos, aquatic parks and other animal enclosures have offered people the opportunity to 

get a close encounter with live animals and appreciate the beauty of them. Furthermore, many animal enclosures and zoos have been crucial to reintroducing endangered species back to their native habitat. That being said, what often does not come across our radar is the damage that is inflicted to animals brought from the wild to captivity when not done correctly. To this day thousands of zoos, circuses and aquatic parks force animals in inadequate living environments, causing extreme stress, and physically abuse animals for economic gain.

A common misconception that the general public has is that wild animals can be released from their cage back into the wild and quickly adapt to life there. However, once an animal becomes accustomed to life in confinement, it could take many years, and sometimes even multiple generations for the animals to survive. In Wild Animals in Captivity, a book written by Heini Hediger who is known as the father of zoo biology, he explains different factors contributing to a zoo animal’s inability to adapt to the wild quickly, such as the animal’s insensitivity to the interspecies (Predator-prey relationship etc.),  the lack of fear of humans, the lack of understanding of its native habitat, and many more reasons. To release them into the wild, the animals need to be brought into a large enclosure imitating their natural habitat to nurture their social bond, hunting techniques, and their fear of humans. This process can often take three generations, and even then, their adaptation is far from guaranteed.  Even with a heart to protect endangered animals, bringing wild animals into unnatural enclosures will only handicap the creature, forcing it to rely on zoo workers for the rest of its pitiful life.

The life of a zoo animal may seem luxurious on the surface, indulging in platters of food everyday, not having to worry about rents or mortgages, and most importantly, no homework. Wild animals, by nature, like to roam free and migrate ad-lib. If you put these animals into a miniature metal box, stress can easily build up and eventually lead to Zoochosis. Zoochosis is a condition that occurs to zoo animals coming from the stress of confinement, which causes them to have repetitive behaviour with no real function: biting itself, or walking in circles, for example. In a study performed by Croation biologists, the teeth of a captive siberian tiger’s skull was analyzed to identify the cause of its teeth’s conditions and possibly its premature death. After close examination, it was concluded that the teeth’s poor condition was due to fence biting, a symptom of zoochosis. The poor tiger is only one of the millions of victims of Zoochosis, and the number will only keep rising unless we do something about it.

On top of the mental torture wild animals experience on a daily basis, animals in the entertainmentment industry are victims of constant physical abuse to train them to perform or to be submissive to humans. Reporter Natasha Daly, travelled to different countries dominated by the animal entertainment industry, namely Thailand and Russia, to investigate how animals are being treated. There, she visited different animal shows and interviewed the workers attending to the animals. “Most tourists who enjoy these encounters don’t know that the adult tigers may be declared, or both…. Or that the Amazonian sloths taken illegally from the jungle often die within weeks of being put in captivity.”  She lists off a couple of violent acts inflicted on show animals that go unnoticed by the tourists, who blindly pour money into the industry. Animals are magnificent creatures that are meant to be appreciated by us and taken care of by us; they are not created to be our money generator. 

Zoos and other industries alike have been exploiting animals for decades. While we pay money every year to look at and learn about wild animals of genuine curiosity and care, our ignorance has in turn encouraged these zoos to mistreat their animals. As people of this society, we have the responsibility to make sure the attractions we visit properly care for their animals.

Draft:

 Zoos, aquatic parks and other animal enclosures have offered people the opportunity to get a close encounter with live animals and appreciate the beauty of them. Furthermore, many animal enclosures and zoos have been crucial to reintroducing endangered species back to their native habitat. That being said, what often does not come under our radar is the damage that is inflicted to animals brought from the wild to captivity when not done correctly.  The lack of regulations have allowed many zoos, circuses and aquatic parks to provide inadequate living environments, irresponsibly take animals from their natural habitat, and physically abuse animals for economic gain.

A common misconception that the general public has is that wild animals can be released from their cage back into the wild and quickly adapt to life there. Contrastly, once an animal accustoms to the life in confinement, it could take many years, and sometimes even multiple generations for the animals to survive. In “Wild Animals in Captivity”, a book written by Heini Hediger who is known as the father of zoo biology, he explains different factors contributing to a zoo animal’s inability to adapt to the wild quickly. Such as the animal’s insensitivity to the natural habitat and other animals that live nearby. For example, Captive Lions would not know to hunt antelopes because they have been fed lumps of red meat all their lives. and other herbivores because they  To release them into the wild, the animals need to be brought into a large enclosure imitating their natural habitat to nurture their social bond, hunting techniques, and their fear of humans. This process can usually take 3 generations, and even then, their adaptation is far from guaranteed.

The life of a zoo animal may seem luxurious on the surface, indulging in platters of food everyday, not having to worry about rents or mortgages, and most importantly, no homework. Wild Animals, by nature, like roam free and migrate ad-lib. If you put these animals into a miniature metal box, stress can easily build up and eventually lead to Zoochosis. Zoochosis is a condition that occurs to zoo animals coming from the stress of confinement, which causes them to have repetitive behaviour with no real function: biting itself, walking in circles etc. In a study performed by croation biologists onjević, D. ; Bata, I. ;  Sindičić, M. ;  Njemirovskij, V., the teeth of a captive siberian tiger’s skull was analyzed to identify the cause of its teeth’s conditions and possibly its premature death. After close examination, it was concluded that the teeth’s poor condition was due to fence biting, a symptom of zoochosis.

On top of the mental torture wild animals experience on a daily basis, animals in circusses are victims to constant physical abuse to “train” them to perform or to be submissive to humans. Reporter Natasha Daly, travelled to different countries dominated by the animal entertainment industry, namely Thailand and Russia, to investigate how animals are being treated. There, she visited different animal shows and interviewed the workers attending to the animals. “Most tourists who enjoy these encounters don’t know that the adult tigers may be declared, or both…. Or that the Amazonian sloths taken illegally from the jungle often die within weeks of being put in captivity.”  She lists off a couple of violent acts inflicted on show animals that go unnoticed by the tourists, who blindly pour money into the industry

Zoos and other industries alike have been exploiting animals for decades and still remain relatively unchecked. While we pay money every year to look at and learn about wild animals of genuine curiosity and care, our ignorance has in turn encouraged these zoos to mistreat their animals. As people of this society, we have the responsibility to make sure the attractions we visit properly care for its animals.

Links to the paper

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1AsBikpfbfQA2Fek4u2nT8TzpkFYy7KjFJS5JywoRNl8/edit?usp=sharing

Kite Runner final essay

Tony Tang 

Mr. Robert Nollan

College writing

June 4th 2020

Life is a collection of experiences in reality. When we successfully lie to someone, we replace a part of their reality with the reality that we want to convey, taking away their opportunity to live life to his or her true potential. For example, if you teach your child that he is allergic to ice cream when he is not, your child might have to stare at all his friends while they enjoy their ice cream on a sunny day. If he knew the truth, he would have been able to enjoy the reality of being able to eat as much ice cream as he wanted. A lie can also act like a leech. A person who lies usually gets something from it, while the recipient of the lie wouldn’t even notice. Sooner or later, the victim would see the leech and realize all the blood it took from him, reacting to the parasite by leaving it alone or getting back at it. In the book Kite Runner, author Khaled Hosseini explores the concept of truth and how our parasite Baba Aghar’s single lie changed the course of Amir and Hassan’s lives. 

The main conflict in Kite Runner was Amir’s guilt for not helping Hassan when he got raped, but the problem that started it came from Baba when he decided to hide from everyone the truth that Hassan was his son. Baba thus gave Amir the reality that Hassan was just a servant, a person Baba has no reason to care for, and someone that had to earn Amir’s respect and love. All of these things led to Amir’s harsh treatment of Hassan and ultimately his inability to save Hassan in the alley, causing the lifelong guilt that followed. This could’ve all been avoided if Amir knew the truth from the beginning. If the truth was revealed, Hassan would be more respected and “feared” by people around him, so he might’ve gotten away with harassment. One instance would be the alleyway rape scene. When Hassan went to get the kite, Assef and his rapist gang would have approached the situation way differently. Knowing that he was not just a servant from Baba’s household but Baba’s own son, they would’ve been more reluctant to beat him up and rape him. Even if they decide to do so, Amir would have had a bigger chance of helping Hassan. Adults and people nearby would’ve been eager to rescue Baba’s son. With this status concealed from everyone in the village, no one would’ve been willing since they believed he was just a Hazara boy.

In the book, we can also see how conflicted Baba feels for hiding the truth from Amir and Hassan. Baba knows that keeping this secret from Hassan would steal Hassan’s rightful place as Baba’s son and the chance of a closer relationship with Amir. He once said “ There is no act more wretched than stealing… , … And if I ever cross paths with him, God help him. Do you understand?” (Hosseini, 18) It is also because of this that Baba couldn’t tell Hassan or anyone else, for he was afraid of losing others’ trust and respect. To Baba, honor was everything that mattered in life and to lose everyone’s respect would have been as good as suicide. He knows that if the truth was revealed, everyone would view him as someone had an affair with a Hazara woman and had a child with her. He would lose all the respect he built up in this community and become a subject of humiliation and ridicule, something he couldn’t accept.  Through the reality Baba created from a lie, he was able to keep his status as an honorable and respected man, at the cost of Hassan’s life. Even though I value honor less than Baba, it would still be quite hard for me to lower my social status for my son’s sake, as I’m afraid of losing friends once they know my flaws. 

Telling the truth is of paramount importance in living life because the truth is the foundation to being able to see the world as it is. When we tell a lie, we make someone’s reality farther and farther from the truth. While it can be harmless at times, it can also bring about devastating destruction. This is why I think the truth is the key to a successful society and should be kept to the best of our abilities.

Draft:

Life is a collection of experiences in reality. When we successfully lie to someone, we replace a part of their reality with the reality that we want to convey, taking away their opportunity to live life to his / her full potential. For example, if you teach your child that he or she was allergic to ice cream when they are not, your child might have to stare at all his friends while they enjoy their ice cream on a sunny day. If he knew the truth, he would have been able to enjoy the reality of being able to eat as much ice cream as he wanted. A lie can also act like a leech. A person who lies usually get something from it, while the recipient of the lie wouldn’t even notice. Sooner or later, the victim would see the leech and realize all the blood it took from him, reacting to the parasite by leaving it alone or getting back at it. In the book Kite Runner, author Khaled Hosseini explores the concept of truth and our parasite Baba Aghar’s single lie changed the course of Amir and Hassan’s lives. 

The main conflict in Kite Runner was Amir’s guilt for not helping Hassan when he got raped, but the problem that started it came from Baba when he decided to hide from everyone the truth that Hassan was his son. Baba thus gave Amir the reality that Hassan was just a servant, a person Baba has no reason to care for, and someone that had to earn Amir’s respect and love. All of these things led to Amir’s harsh treatment on Hassan,  his inability to save Hassan in the alley and the lifelong guilt that follows, which could’ve all been avoided if Amir knew the truth from the beginning. If the truth was revealed, Hassan would be more respected and “feared” by people around him, so he might’ve gotten away with harassment. One instance would be the alleyway rape scene. When Hassan went to get the kite, Assef and his rapist gang would have approached the situation way differently. Knowing that he was not just a servant from Baba’s household but Baba’s own son, they would’ve been more reluctant to beat him up and rape him. Even if they decide to do so, Amir would have had a bigger chance of helping Hassan. Adults and people nearby would’ve been eager to rescue Baba’s son. With this status concealed from everyone in the village, no one would’ve been willing since they believed he was just a Hazara boy.

In the book we can also see how conflicted Baba feels for hiding the truth from Amir and Hassan. Baba knows that keeping this secret from Hasan, was just stealing Hassan’s rightful place as Baba’s son and a closer relationship with Amir. He once said “ There is no act more wretched than stealing… , … And if I ever cross paths with him, God help him. Do you understand?” (Hosseini, 18) It is also because of this that Baba couldn’t tell Hassan or anyone-else, for he was afraid of losing people’s trust and respect. To Baba, honor is everything that matters in life, to lose everyone’s respect would have been as good as killing Baba. He knows that if the truth was revealed, everyone would view him as someone had an affair with a Hazara woman and had a child with her. He would lose all the respect he built up in this community and become a subject of humiliation and ridicule, something he couldn’t accept.  Through the reality Baba created from a lie, he was able to keep his status as an honorable and respected man, at the cost of Hassan’s life. Even though I value honor less in my worldview than in Baba’s worldview, it would still be quite hard for me to lower my social status for my son’s sake, as I’m afraid of losing friends once they know about my flaws. 

Telling the truth is of paramount importance in living life because the truth is the foundation to being able to see the world as it is. When we tell a lie, we make someone’s reality farther and farther from the truth, while it can be harmless at times, sometimes it brings devastating destruction. This is why I think the truth is the key to a successful society and should be kept to the best of our abilities.

Kite runner mini essay

At the end of chapter 7 Rahim Khan tells Amir that there is a way for Amir to be good again.This is very significant to Amir’s character because, he has been overwhelmed with the guilt of not helping hassan when he got raped by assef, and needs to either be punished or do something for hassan in order to find closure. Years after the incident, Rahim Khan offers Amir the opportunity to finally redeem himself by going to Afghanistan to save Hassan’s son.

Another time we see the impact of Amir’s guilt is when Soraya admits her past to Amir. After Soraya’s father gave Amir his daughter’s hand, Soraya went to Amir and told him about her past, how she fled with an afghan man when she was young. Amir forgives her but is also jealous that she had the courage to admit to her past because Amir wasn’t able to do the same for hassan. On top of that, Amir had a long time to come clean and knew that Hassan would still love and stay loyal to Amir, as he has shown before. Meanwhile, Soraya has a whole marriage to risk and doesn’t know for sure how Amir will react.

I haven’t made any mistakes that haunt me, however, I do have my regrets for some of the mistakes I made. In elementary school, I tried to fit in with my friends and started bullying Caleb Noble. I constantly harassed him with inappropriate words out of nowhere. One particular time, my teacher was teaching us about different animals in the white board and I decided it would be really cool and funny to turn around and tell Caleb that “ your mom sexed your dad’s dick”, so I did. (In my defense, that was a true statement) I ended up getting in a detention and I got really mad at Caleb, even though I know it was all my fault. When my parents talked to me about it, I kept trying to deflect lies, going so far as to saying I didn’t know what that statement even meant. Regardless, I still had to face consequences and all my legos got thrown in the trash. The lesson was definitely learnt from that incident, now I would just confess the mistakes I made to a friend, who would encourage me to move past it and to learn from it.

no draft.

Peer Comment

Henry: descriptive essay

I really enjoyed reading your essay, even though it did not have complicated words, you were still able to paint a clear scene with your description. I also really liked your casual writing style, as it makes your unique style and voice to it.

Alden’s credo presentation:

I really enjoyed reading your credo and thought it was an excellent idea to talk about your struggle at first and the passion you have now. I really liked the video you incorporated but I still couldn’t tell who you were in the video

Samuel’s book review:

Hi, Samuel. I thought that this novel review was quite useful and informative. Through reading this review, i was able to understand the over arching style and theme, while leaving me curious with what happens in the book. Even though this was not your cup of tea, I’m glad you did a book review on it because I’m quite interested in this book now.

Thomas’s act writing:

While I liked reading this essay, I found that the essay was lazily put together. Most of the essay of was directly pasted from the prompt( the thesis and the perspectives), which left little space for your own perspective. Instead you should simplify the thesis to less words and add more to what you think. I also agree with your perspective: machines have both positive and negative effects. That being said, I thought the perspective was poorly backed up and definitely needed some evidence. For example, you could talk about a technology with both positive and negative effects.

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