I pulled with all that I had on the sail, submerged in the dense ocean. My hands held firmly to the rope, my feet gripped the board, and my sail slowly rose from the waters. The beast of the wind it was minutes ago was no more. its tremendous power turned to a mere tickle to my sail. After several attempts of sailing back to shore, my effort was useless as my board only got pushed back by the waves.
The sun’s light filled my vision with a blinding white, sending wave upon wave of heat into my face as I laid flat on my windsurf board. The waves danced around my board, swaying back and forth, humming in a calming tone. I reached my hand up high: no wind. None at all.
I told myself the only way I will be able to get back to shore would be by paddling. I dipped my hand into the soothing water. My hands pushed back the waters in rapid successions, and the salt water stung my eyes. As I paddled relentlessly, the shore continued to shrink from my sights. Soon enough, I was almost a mile away from shore. A numbing pain gradually grew in my flimsy arms and slowly coursed through my whole body. I decided to give up.
From a distance, I spotted my classmates, all scattered across the vast ocean, all hopeless to return to shore. One was trying to paddle back as I did, and the rest of them gazed into the horizon. Right past them, a group of sailboats slowly glided through the gentle breeze like a flock of birds. The boats were all white in color, the surface of it reflecting a glaring light back at my face. Trotting right behind them were a group of experienced windsurfers, holding on to every small gust of wind with their colossus six meter sails. I looked even further, Our coach, Mr. Lee, was in his powerboat attending to his other student, William, who was stuck on the other side of the harbor. The boat then took a sharp turn towards my direction, heading towards me. I rejoiced in bliss, seeing my gallant knight coming to my rescue.
I stepped onto the side of the boat, seated myself on the back and tied our surfboard to it. I looked up at my coach, and he welcomed me with a warm smile. He turned the gear on the boat, and it began to gallop through the vast plains of ocean.
Longing to return to shore after being stranded for so long, Andy started singing “country road, take me home” and I followed along. The coach saw us in so… I looked back, there were a few fish leaping out glee, joining us in celebration. Then came another one, and another one, and another one… The surfboards became flooded with fish, all flopping energetically to the triumphant tune of the song. Seeing all the fun we had, the coach joined in with his deep rich voice as we finally got back to shore.
I didn’t know you windsurfed!!!!! I really like how you never really told the audience what you were doing exactly – you were able to show it through describing what was going on around you and what you felt. This was quite effective as I was able to imagine what the situation was like for you. The word choice that you used worked well with the essay and with what you were trying to convey to the audience. I think that you did a really good job with the rhetorical devices. They weren’t too in-your-face, which was good because the subtleness of it really made the whole essay flow better and more effective. Other than some small grammatical mistakes (there are a few words that are capitalized when they’re not supposed to be and vice versa), you did a really good job!!!
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Nice job! I like how you were really able to describe you being out in a big ocean and not really being able to get back to shore on your own. You were really able to give the message that you were exhausted and unable to get back to shore. I liked the happy ending with you all singing country road on the boat.
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